Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Depression

I have felt a sense of depression lately, and most of it has to do with my spouse. Let's not jump to conclusions here, however, because he hasn't done anything intentionally to cause me to feel this way. Let me explain...

Depression is bound to happen when you step on the scale and realize that you have 11 weeks to go in your pregnancy, have already gained 25 pounds, and now weigh more than your husband. Awesome. (And no, I do not want to post a picture of myself, thank-you-very-much.)

Depression is when your husband RUINS your April Fools joke that you have been planning and scheming for WEEKS. Weeks, people! I even kept it all to myself this year, whereas normally I'm so excited about it that I tell everyone what I'm planning. Not this year. Let's back up and talk about mine and Eric's history regarding April Fools...

Eric and I had our first date/first kiss on April 3, 2008. (I can't believe it's been 3 years already, by the way!) Anyway, we had the date planned and knew what we were doing and I was so dang excited. I really, really liked this boy and despite my sister's best efforts, I was bound and determined to date Eric Bready. He was pretty excited too, because let's face it, I was a major catch! (And really good at deceiving boys into thinking I was something special.)

Well, two days before the date, I decided it would be fun to mess with him a little bit and sent him the following text message:

"I have some bad news... I don't think I'm going to be able to go on our date on Thursday :("

To which he responded:

"Oh, OK. Well do you want to reschedule?"

I was laughing at myself, knowing what I was going to write, but also debated sending the next text... Could he really handle it? Or would he get mad/offended? Well, if he can't take my sense of humor, we may as well know now before anyone gets in too deep:

"Actually, my missionary came home last week and he flew out here to surprise me and proposed. So I probably shouldn't go on a date with you."

Looooong pause:

"Oh wow. Well, congratulations I guess! That's exciting!"

Slight pause, enough to make him sweat a little:

"APRIL FOOLS!!!! Haha I'm SOOO excited for our date!!"

Then I sweat a little while I waited for his response:

"Haha oh man you got me good! I'm laughing pretty hard right now. But thank goodness we're still on because I'm really looking forward to it!"

He passed. And he thought I was funny. Score! (As a side note, these aren't word-for-word texts, although I wish I had saved them. But I have a pretty good memory so they have to be pretty darn close to what was actually said.)

We went on that date, and the rest is history. But now, every year, I try to get him on April Fools Day. But it's really hard because he's usually expecting something, and I get him every time. Neither of us remember what I did the past 2 years, but this year, I was going into early labor!

I thought it out. It was perfect timing since April Fools fell on a Friday this year and I was far enough along in my pregnancy that it was possible and believable... We would go on our normal Friday-night date and then probably come home late to watch a movie or some more 24 (we're on Season 2). He would think he made it through the day this year because it would be somewhere around 11 by the time we got home. Now, I couldn't just say, "Eric, I'm in labor," because that would be way too obvious. So... the water was going to have to break. I decided a balloon was my best option. Luckily the night before, Eric and some of his Chemistry TA friends played a prank on his old professor and it included balloons. So I snuck a couple and put them into my pocket. I practiced Friday morning after Eric had left for school, testing the amount of water and the amount of pressure I would need. The balloon wasn't going to break without some assistance, however, so I decided I would put on a baggy pair of sweatpants, and put my really sharp tweezers in my pocket. I'm ALWAYS cuddled up in a blanket so it was going to be super easy to pull the tweezers out of my pocket without him noticing and pop the balloon. Hysteria would obviously ensue because I was only 29 weeks and we hadn't purchased a carseat and oh-my-gosh-what-are-we-going-to-do?!!?!

But I didn't start there. Oh no. All week long I was complaining of weird "cramps" that were getting pretty painful. "Eric, they must just be Braxton Hicks or something." He agreed. "Eric, they're pretty bad today (Thursday), do you think I should call the doctor?" He thought everything was probably fine and that we didn't need to worry. Friday night we parked at the temple to go in a do a session and he asked if I wanted him to drop me off. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. The contraction-y things were pretty bad when I was walking up to class this morning." He never thought anything of it.

We got home around 10:45, just as I had predicted. Eric went into the room to change his clothes, which usually takes awhile when he's in his Sunday clothes. I almost backed out, thinking again that I was being too mean. But instead, I immediately went into the bathroom to fill up the balloon. It took forever for the water to get warm (I didn't want freezing cold water exploding all over my... area) but I filled it up, tied it off and started heading to the toilet so I could hide it while I went to change my clothes. Just as I turned my back, Eric BARGED in and said, "What are you doing??"

He caught me. Red-handed with a blue balloon full of water. I looked at him and timidly said, "Nothing" with a huge grin on my face.

"Cooourt.... What are you doing?"

"GOING INTO LABOR DANG IT!!!" And then I may or may not have attacked him and hit him a million times and yelled at him for ruining my perfect joke.

See what I mean? Depression. I put a lot of thought into that and just as it was about to happen and my anticipation was killing me, he ruined it. We both laughed pretty hard still, and he did admit that it was a good plan. He thought it was pretty hilarious that I had been faking contractions for a whole week! But alas, I guess I'll have to wait until next year... Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever be able to use going into labor as an April Fools joke now.

5 comments:

Christy Gunnell said...

Okay we are totally one-in-the-same!!! I was totally going to do the same April Fool's joke on Chase (except I'm not as clever to think of a water balloon and such...I was just going to call from work) and had told him I was feeling braxton hix all week and everything, but he spoiled mine too but specifically telling me as I walked out the door Friday morning, "Don't do any April Fool's jokes concerning the baby." Such a let down!

Holly said...

That is hilarious! I can't believe you were going to go as far as using water balloons! Genius! So sorry it didn't work out for you...but still funny!

Shalyn said...

So funny!You still get some credit points for even coming up with that in my book!

Kendra said...

Ugh! That is so frustrating that he totally ruined it! I would have been so upset too! But great idea and way to extend it the whole week.

Jill said...

That is hilarous!!! Oh man, I wish you could have gone through with it! PS I miss you