Just My Luck!

I have never had good luck. Ever. I'm not one of those people who wins a car from Keys to Success and gets upgraded to the Penthouse for free on a cruise when my credit card didn't go through correctly. I have never won anything in my life. Whenever I play a card game that has anything to do with luck, i.e. Golf, I lose. It just doesn't happen for me that way, and I'm OK with that.

A few weeks ago, I found a dollar bill on the ground at the mall. I picked it up and I was completely ecstatic about it, telling Eric that I was turning a new leaf in the book of luck. We got home and I hung the dollar bill on the bathroom mirror, proclaiming to my husband: "my luck is changing. Just you wait!"

Well, today I got a phone call. I'm getting some laser hair removal done (it's a long story that starts with Keith Belter calling me a "bearded lady" in the 7th grade) and it was them on the line. "Courtney you are actually the winner of a $500 gift certificate from our corporate office!" I was in shock! The girl even called me cute because I was so excited and told her that I never win anything in my life. Now, unfortunately, $500 can't really buy you that much when laser hair removal is concerned, but I don't even care. It will get me something. And who cares if it's just another one of their attempts to get more money from me? They picked the right person to use some false luck story on, that's for sure!

Not even two hours later, I get another phone call from a number I don't recognize.

Other Person: "Hi, I'm trying to reach Courtney."
Me: "I'm Courtney."
OP: "Well Courtney, this is so-and-so from such-and-such (can't remember the names) and we would like to send you on an all-expenses paid vacation, air fare and hotel accommodations included."
Me: Silence. I know there's a catch.
OP: "You don't have to pay anything, there's no obligations. We just like to send people on these vacations for free in the hopes that they will have a good time, tell their friends about it, and spread the word about our company."
Me: Silence. Thinking about how much I need a vacation right now.
OP: "So, I just need to schedule a time for you to come in and pick up your vacation package."
Me: "Are you sure I don't have to pay anything?"
OP: "No, it's all on us."
Me: "Is this a joke? There's not a catch?"
OP: "No, there's no catch. Seriously, it's just our way of advertising to potential customers."
Me: "Awesome! What do I need to do?"
OP: "OK great, let me just ask you a couple of questions."
Me: .....
OP: "Are you married or have a boyfriend or anything like that?"
Me: "Yeah, I'm married."
OP: "Perfect! Are you between the ages of 25 and 30 or are you over 30?"
Me: Already realizing the problem... My 22nd birthday is in a week. "No, we're not over 30."
OP: "OK good, so you're between the ages of 25 and 30 then?"
Me: "Actually, we're under 25."
OP: "Oh darn. Legally we can't extend this offer to you at this time."
Click.

Awesome.

Just my luck.